Church Stuff, pt. 2

Well, the letter of resignation was submitted, followed a by a lengthy prepared FAQ presentation.  By all accounts, the pastor was quite emotinoal and chocked up when presenting his decision to the congregation.  Unfortunately, I can't listen to the audio file of the service - my deafness doesn't allow for good understanding of digital sound without captions - and since we're still poor with free dial-up, I can't load the video of the service, either.

But I have read both the letter and the FAQ, which were posted yesterday afternoon on the church's website.  Reading the pastor's own words cooled my anger significantly, but I am still left with a decided sense that something in the process was done wrong; whether a sin of ommission or a sin commission, however, is undecided.

My disappointment remains because the pastor did not seek the prayers and wisdom of his elders as he supposedly wrestled long and hard with God's call for his future ministry.  He claims that as far back as June, he was sensing that God was leading him away from the church, although he was still uncertain as to where.  Considering his moral obligation to the congregation and especially to the elders, I strongly believe that spiritually, as well as from personal considerations, he ought to have asked the elders to pray with him and for him.  They, as the spiritual trustees of the church, should have been given ample time to pray about God's call for this church.  If this is truly and really God's calling, and not the glimmering promise of prestige and new adventure, doesn't he think that the elders, too, would have reached that conclusion?  I believe he owed them that.  Their implicit trust in his leadership would not have been lost; instead, his moral compass would have been strengthened through the support and encouragement of godly men.  In addition, it would have allowed the elders a chance to understand and appreciate God's vision for the future of that congregation apart from the leading of this pastor.  And last, but by no means least, that course of action would have avoided the personal hurt and feelings of betrayal which will mar the leave-taking.  Rather than sending him out with good will and sincere prayers, his last Sunday among them - next week!!! - will occur under recrimination and disappointment. 

It's no good saying that they should bless him anyway, that they should put aside all their feelings in obedience to God's will.  Of course that is all true, but ought not the same sort of consideration for others and respect for God's larger plan have prevailed in the pastor's dealings with the leaderhsip of the church  BEFORE he abruptly and summarily announced his resignation?   My father says he doesn't even want to attend the reception for the pastor next week, despite over a decade of working closely beside him as an elder.  "I've already said good-bye, and I don't have anything else to say to him," he says.  My grandfather says he won't contribute to any love offering taken up for the pastor.  And yet, the pastor can merely utter the magical phrase "God's will", and most people will be instantly ready to excuse any fault in interpersonal dealings.  As cynical as it sounds, it is all very well to claim, after the fact, that you spent hours and hours in earnest and tearful prayers, wrestling with this unwelcome call away from the congregation you always though you retire in.......but how can anyone know that these are not just the "Christian" ways of expressing a change of mind so as to ease your own conscience?  Especially when your wrestling did not lead you to consult the people who have perhaps the greatest stake (excepting your own family) in your following where God leads?  Does the pastor think that he alone can clearly discern the will of God for the church? (Which he says is to continue on a path that "wouldn't make the best use of his leaderhsip wiring".)

I'm not full of the same white-hot anger that was burning in my "rant" last week, but I still can taste the bitterness of disappointment.  This is not the way church relationships should be handled.  More importantly, the people whom I love have been hurt by this decision, which to me still appears as a rejection of the fierce loyalty and simple acceptance that frequently characterizes people in West Virginia.  Charleston, despite being a small city, feels much more like a small rural town.  Relationships matter; loyalty matters.  And for a Christian in such a position of responsibility and leadership, respect for the people who are there to support you, to pray for you, to help keep you in line, and ultimately, the people whom you are leaving to deal with the broken trust.  That is my disapppointment. 

A Rant on Betrayal

Tomorrow, during Sunday morning worship, our church here in Maryland is installing a new senior pastor.  We're very excited about this time in the life of the church, and are pleased that the calling of a new pastor has gone so smoothly.

At the same time back in West Virginia, the senior pastor of my parents' church is going to be reading his letter of resignation to the congregation.  My father is an elder in that church and abruptly received the news last Wednesday during a hastily and abruptly-called elders meeting.

The contrast between these two events is unsettling.  Our new pastor is leaving a church in California, one that he planted and nurtured, at a time when it is the most stable, has a strong leadership in place to take over from him, and with the good-will of the elders and members of that congregation.  My parents' pastor is leaving after fifteen years of excellent service to the church, but in the middle of a time of major transitions, and without having sought the advice, wisdom, or good-will of his elder board before choosing to abadon the church.

Abandon is a strong word.  The anger that my parents, my grandparents, my siblings, and myself all feel over his choice leaves, however, no alternative adjective.  The pastor had great visions for the church and for its ministry; he has been growing the congregation, and his preaching and personality ahve attracted hundreds of new members.  He led the church on a capital campaign to raise funds for building a new building.  He sold the congregation and the elders on the idea of a three-phase process of expanding the church and its ministries.  He made personal assurances to the bank that his leadership was intended for the long-term so that they would sign off on a massive loan for purchasing land and constructing the new building.  He has liased with community leaders about the impact of hte new site on everything from zoning to traffic flow.  The official opening of the new church was six months ago.  It was attended by the mayor of Charleston and the congresswoman for that district.  The pastor's face appears on a major commercial campaign on local TV stations to further increase the profile of the church.

Whatever my own opinions about "mega-churches" and smaller churches geared along those models (and trust me, my opinions are strong!), I held my peace in response to my parents' enthusiasm for this church and its ministry and testimony in the community.  That pastor married my sister and brother-in-law, and also Jared and me.  The pastor's wife teaches at the church elementary school with my mother.  My grandfather, as well as my father, is an elder.  They have all held the pastor in high esteem for his wisdom, his vision, and his obvious care for the congregation.

Some six months ago, the pastor was asked to occaisionally serve as a pulpit supply for a church in California, a member of which he knew from the AWANA governing board.  The pastor agreed, and has flown to Orange County once a month or so since.  A mere three weeks ago, the pastor assured the congregation, during his morning sermon, that he was NOT candidating, and reaffirmed his committment to the church.

And now, without any warning, he announces to the elders that he is resigning.  He has given them less than three weeks notice of his quitting.  After all his assurances, after his leading the church into $20 million dollars of debt, after knowing that his presence is indeed one of the chief factors keeping people faithful to their monetary committments, after assembling a team of associate pastors most of which were hand-picked by him, after all his vision for the church and ties to the community - his in-laws and his brother all moved to Charleston specifically to be near his family - he is abandoning it all for the hope of personal glory and a greater profile from aslightly larger and definitively wealthier church in California.

My disgust over this abandonment has made me nearly sick.  I know that pastors leave, and leaderhsip changes, but I also know without doubt what the ideals of Christian community are in the New Testament.  A decision this major, affecting not only his life but the lives of extended family and an entire congregation, should NOT have been made so quickly, without the consultation and requested prayers from his elder board and other wise men around him.  A pastor's primary goal should be for the spiritual care of his flock - NOT personal prestige.  A man who once preached to me about decision making!  I remember him stressing the fact that decisions which caused other Christians to stumble or which damaged the witness of the person in the community were decisions to be avoided as not fulfilling the will of God.  And now he has the insolence to tell his elders preemptorily that he has felt "God's call" to California!!!  His wife, as I mentioned, teaches at the school - which starts on Tuesday.  I assume she is going with him - and without regard to the responsibility and committment that she has made to the principal, the other teachers, and to the students?  Does the pastor himself not recall the burdens of responsibility, committment, and loyalty?  Has he not considered what a slap in the face this will be to the congregation, especially considering how little time he is giving them to adjust and for the leadership structure to take over his duties?  Does he not remember assuring my father in person two weeks ago that he was still on board with all the phases on growth the had outlined?

I am appalled by the way that Christians so often use the "God's will" excuse to justify various changes of mind.  I wonder how many people ever feel God's will calling them to lesser comfort, poorer circumstances, greater marginalization, the effacement of personal glory.  Or is "God's will" used as an excuse to justify personal desires in the face of clearly conflicting loyalities?  It's sarcastic, but often true.  In this case in particular, I don't see how it is possible for him to have spent ample, adequate time in prayer over this decision, coming as it does so closely on protestations to the contratry, his assertion that leaving was not crossing his mind.

I would appreciate prayers for my father through all this.  He was hoping to take a sabbatical from the elder board in the spring, as he has been driving himself to exhaustion these past few years during the construction of the new building.  Last summer he switched to a new position in his company, a decision which he is quietly regretting as it involves substantially more travel and is such an amorphous, undefined position.  Moreover, his company just merged with another one after being sold off to a holding company in transition from a private to a public corporation.  And now with the pastor leaving so abruptly, his transition off the elder board will be impossible.  Leaderhsip has to remain stable, especially since this abandonment will undoubtedly result in the congregation losing membership, and consequently will present major financial difficulties.  And anyone who has ever heard me talk about my dad will understand that the prospect of financial instability will give him nightmares for months.  All very confusing, and very overwhelming for a man who will be sixty in a few months and who has never been good at delegating tasks or at adjusting to major changes.  My sister and I are deeply worried for his physical wellbeing and his mental comfort, and we'd appreciate your prayers. My grandfather, too, is raving furious over this betrayal.  And for the whole congregation.......who are being told in effect that their well-being and admiration is not as good as the prospects of wealth and fame on the opposite coast.  I am thankful that our new pastor, here in Maryland, had the wisdom and good sense to seek the prayer sof his elders before accepting the call to our church, and I only pray that more Christian leaders would follow that path. 

Well, it's July.  Jared finished his residency last week, and this week he officially enters his career, complete with two contracts for working at two practices, one in Edgewater, MD, and the other in Dupont Circle, DC.

Only, it isn't quite working out the way we expected.  The contract for Edgewater specified at least two days of work a week, hopefully picking up to threequite soon, then four later on.  The Dupont Circle practice is attempting to add a general dentistry practice (i.e. Jared) to an already-established prosthodontic practice, so it will be only one day a week until a patient base is built up.

But Jared's first day of work in Edgewater was yesterday, and....they didn't really have any patients scheduled for him.  They've known he would be starting for quite some time, but apparently haven't done any preparatory work in terms of recruiting new patients or scheduling any existing patients for him to treat.  And remember - he doesn't get paid a salary by the day, but a percent of production based on the patients he sees.  So if he only sees one or two......we're screwed.  Even worse, rather than having him work Monday and Tuesday, as he was under the impression he would, they don't want him to come in again until Friday - which is only a half-day of work at the practice.  Besides which, they haven't actually scheduled any patients for him on Friday!!

So from three solid days of work, and hopefully four within a few weeks, he now has only two and half days of active employment - and even those are sketchy in terms of actual work. 

This situation isn't tenable for a number of reasons - Jared will get depressed really quickly if he isn't actively employed, doing what he loves to do.  In addition, his dental school loan repayments kick in this month - and they are going to be more than our rent payment is. 

All that is to say, please please please pray for us as we try to work out what is going on here.  I'm not worried - yet - about the financial burden, but this is not an auspicious beginning to his contracts.  I feel like the Edgewater guy misled Jared, and has left him hanging.  Please pray that God leads us through this, and that Jared figures out how to push himself and his career with both courage and meekness.

And pray that I know how to encourage him, and keep up his optimism for the short-term future. 

Yesterday I had my annual hearing test and check-up with my ENT at Hopkins (my hearing is still stable, thank God.)  We drove to Baltimore, were in and out fairly quickly, with the whole day in front of us.  We had a wonderful time having lunch at the inner harbor, on a balcony overlooking the water, with a soft breeze blowing and the sun lighting up the green grass on Federal Hill opposite.  Going back to Baltimore was a little like going home.  And visiting Hopkins always reminds me of our first year of marriage.

Jared always comes with me for my hearing appointments, even if, as yesterday, it means taking a day off work.  There are too many emotions and memories connected with visits to Hopkins, and it is as important for him to be with me as it is for me to have him by my side.  I think very few people can understand how much we experienced that spring four years ago, when, after being married for only two months, we began spending at least once a week at Hopkins, watching my hearing crash and improve and then irrevocably crash again.  I've watched many of my friends get married in the years since my hearing loss, and I always feel a sort of envy for them.  I watch them recite their vows, and hope that their newlywed year is smoother and less filled with tears than my own was.  I pray that they don't end up experiencing the sort of trauma that we endured even in just our first sixth months.  Sometimes I wish I could have had that sort of marital bliss. 

But I know that Jared and I have been drawn closer together as we have had to navigate the stormy waters of sudden devastation.   I wonder how many of my married friends will ever have to learn the sort of total dependence and vulnerability that I had to accept.  Jared wasn't just my new husband that year: he became my interpreter, my nurse, my caretaker - literally, not figuratively.  He accepted without question that so many things in our lives would have to change because of my hearing.  He never once complained that he had to physically help me wash and dress when I broke my back.  I think that so many couples can live with each other for years without ever learning the lessons of sacrifice and servanthood that we were forced to learn.  It was sink or swim.  I had to learn to cope emotionally with my sudden disability, as well as still be careful for the emotional welfare of my husband and of our very new marriage.

I am not trying to say that we are better or worse than anyone else.  I'm not suggesting that we are superior to other couples.  But when we return to Hopkins for my annual appointments, the tide of memories rises up, and I look back at the people we used to be, and I thank God that He gave us the courage to survive everything that happened, and I even thank Him that we had the opportunity to learn some of those lessons - even though if, given my own way, I would still prefer not to have lost my hearing in the first place.  I am thankful that my husband still wants to go with me to those appointments, that I can still count on him to be my interpreter and supporter, that he will stand by me, no matter what comes.

Guns are door prizes?

To be frank, the idea of giving away guns as an incentive to buy a car offends me.  Since when were lethal weapons about a respected as candy?  And although I'm not exactly an Obama supporter, the car dealer claims that he idea for the give-away is in response to Obama's condescending remarks about small-town Americans - which is one of the worst reasons I can think of to start handing out handguns.  Exercise you democratic right to speak out against Obama, vote for someone else, campaign for someone else - but don't start arming your fellow citizens. 

I really oppose unrestricted access to guns, and the notion of a gun giveaway especially bothers me.  Are we never going to learn anything from tragedies like the Virginia Tech massacre?  What bothers me the most is that so many gun-advocates are Christians.  Apparently, support of potential violence goes hand in hand with a belief in the Bible.  What happened to the peace and non-violent responses that have marked the history of the church for two thousand years?  Would American Christians be willing to embrace martyrdom, or would we retreat into fortified compounds and defend our religion and our guns, our two "inalienable" rights?   Would gun advocates be willing to defend Obama's right to free speech - even if that free speech denigrates their small-town values? 

I know that this is neither a well-reasoned nor well-written nor well-argued defense of gun control; it's just a reaction to such a ridiculous notion that people would prefer to get a gun than to get free gas!!